Friday, December 19, 2008

Tips for Holiday Eating

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards. To be perfectly honest, the only fruitcake you should even consider eating is the one...where the fruit sits & ferments for a month before baked in the cakes or cup cakes & topped with home made cream cheese frosting! Just talking about it I gain 5 lbs.........yep...I have the recipe!

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

100 Item Meme

Congratulations, Ms Virginia Girl, it's a meme!

It’s 100 questions about things you have or have not done (found it here). Read through and bold the answers you have done. I italicized those that I came close to (because I'm alarmed at the lack of bolding!) I’ll tag EVERYBODY!

1. Started your own blog. You're reading it!

2. Slept under the stars.

3. Played in a band. Sang in choir to the band...does that count?

4. Visited Hawaii. Sisters and I sent our parents there for their 30th wedding anniversary, and I came close to going once.

5. Watched a meteor shower. It was more like a drizzle.

6. Given more than you can afford to charity.

7. Been to Disneyland.

8. Climbed a mountain. Been to the top of the Zugspitze in the Alps...via cable car.

9. Held a praying mantis.

10. Sang a solo.

11. Bungee jumped.

12. Visited Paris.

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch.

15. Adopted a child.

16. Had food poisoning. Oh my yes. A week after my sister's wedding (no connection, I'm sure). Stayed home from school for three days and saw things come out of me that I swear never went in.

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty.

18. Grown your own vegetables.

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.

20. Slept on an overnight train. From Frankfurt, West Germany to West Berlin, East Germany in the mid-70's.

21. Had a pillow fight.

22. Hitch hiked.

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill.

24. Built a snow fort.

25. Held a lamb.

26. Gone skinny dipping. Does my bathtub count?

27. Run a Marathon.

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice.

29. Seen a total eclipse.

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.

31. Hit a home run.

32. Been on a cruise.

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person. I was in an airplane, flying from Buffalo to Toronto. We seemed to be following a river and I noticed some whitecaps. Interesting, I thought, must be near a waterfall. Oh, look, there it is...looks kinda familiar...Hey, that's Niagara!

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors. At least one of them. My great-grandfather was born on Kilbowie Road, Clydebank, Scotland. I was there and I have the pictures to prove it!

35. Seen an Amish community.

36. Taught yourself a new language. Taught myself, no. Been taught, ja.

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied. Once...a long time ago.

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person.

39. Gone rock (wall) climbing.

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David.

41. Sung karaoke. Heard karaoke at a bowling alley and a wedding (yes, a wedding). Turned me off ever going somewhere with karaoke ever again.

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt.

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant.

44. Visited Africa.

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.

46. Been transported in an ambulance.

47. Had your portrait painted drawn.

48. Gone deep sea fishing.

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person.

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling.

52. Kissed in the rain. Who, you ask? I never kiss and tell.

53. Played in the mud.

54. Gone to a drive-in theater.

55. Been in a movie.

56. Visited the Great Wall of China.

57. Started a business. And failed.

58. Taken a martial arts class.

59. Visited Russia.

60. Served at a soup kitchen.

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies.

62. Gone whale watching.

63. Got flowers for no reason.

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma. I donated blood many times, just not voluntarily.

65. Gone sky diving.

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp.

67. Bounced a check.

68. Flown in a helicopter. Been in one that was on the ground.

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.

71. Eaten Caviar.

72. Pieced a quilt.

73. Stood in Times Square.

74. Toured the Everglades.

75. Been fired from a job. I've never been able to tell him, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London.

77. Broken a bone.

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle.

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person. I was about a year and a half old and don't remember it, but have the pictures to prove it.

80. Published a book. Working on it!

81. Visited the Vatican.

82. Bought a brand new car.

83. Walked in Jerusalem.

84. Had your picture in the newspaper.

85. Read the entire Bible. I’ve read a lot of it, but not the entire thing.

86. Visited the White House.

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.

88. Had chickenpox. I was twenty-two. Yes, twenty-two. I was exposed to it in a hospital emergency room.

89. Saved someone’s life. Learned CPR, never used it.

90. Sat on a jury. Twice!

91. Met someone famous. I won't mention who, but he's a famous writer.

92. Joined a book club.

93. Lost a loved one. Grandparents, parent, sister.

94. Had a baby.

95. Seen the Alamo in person. Pictures, etc.

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake.

97. Been involved in a law suit.

98. Owned a cell phone.

99. Been stung by a bee. And now I know I'm mildly allergic.

100. Read an entire book in one day. Many times.