I've come to a bit of a revelation this weekend.
I teach Sunday School at my church and this is something that I love to do. I'm good at it and I always feel confident when I'm teaching. I feel a sense of accomplishment when I'm teaching and working with my kids.
"So become a teacher," you say. To which I say, "I don't think so." You see, it's not the teaching that I enjoy, it's getting into the Word of God that I enjoy and sharing that knowledge with others.
I made a New Year's Decision--I don't make Resolutions because they're too easily broken. When I make a decision, I stick with it. And my decision was to spend every day in prayer. Even if it's only for a minute or two before I go to bed or before I get up in the morning, or if I spend half an hour or more talking with God, I do it every day. I pray for co-workers, for friends, for family, for people I've met on-line who need prayer. I may not pray for the exact same people every day, but I pray. And I pray for myself.
I've never asked God for guidance regarding my work, but I've prayed about work and co-workers. I don't blog about my work because I'm very aware of the fact that what goes on the internet can be seen by the world, and I wouldn't want to blog anything about my job that could come back to haunt me. Anyway, I think God is starting to finally guide me where He wants me to go. What I mean by that is not that God is finally guiding me, it's that I'm finally opening myself up fully to Him and listening to Him. I think God wants me to go into ministry.
Wow...when I type that I'm not sure what to think. I don't know if He wants me to be a pastor. That's not the feeling I get. It's more like He wants me to study the Word deeply, to become enmeshed in the Bible and find work that follows Him, that honors Him.
Where I am right now in my life, that isn't possible. I have to work to pay the mortgage on a house that, admittedly, I no longer want. With the market the way it is though, selling is a difficult proposition. I'm still working on my writing course, even though I haven't blogged much about it lately--I should get my latest assignment back any day now and I have to start writing Chapter 3. I'd love to make a living as a writer, but that's very difficult. Most new writers have "day jobs" to pay the bills. That's what I have to do.
I don't know where this revelation is going to lead me. Right now, it feels like Step One in a Thousand Step journey and there's a huge fog bank in my way so I can't see where the path goes. And it may only be one step, but for the first time in a very, very long time, it feels like the right step.
I guess there's only one thing I can do right now...well, two. One, see if there are any theology programs in nearby or on-line colleges that I can get into, and two, pray.
Maybe I'll pray first.